|If you look close enough, you'll see how|
I am actually freaking out inside.
They say growing up is hard to do. I’ve learned that the process of becoming an adult happens fast and doesn’t consider if you’re ready or not. It invades your life and forces complicated decisions that don’t always make everybody happy. As the soft-spoken hairy Italian photographer prunes my robe and details the cap before gingerly placing it on my head, a flood of life surges through my legs and up my spine. Six years and I’m sitting on a stool attempting to hold a smile with some fake diploma held across my trunk. I feel absolutely silly and can’t wait to leave the cramped meeting-room-turned-photo-studio as my awkward levels reach a boiling point. Also, this is the first time things really start to hit hard: I am graduating.
Six years of post-secondary…..over. Now what? I mean, I kinda know the answer, but I still find myself caught in my first real existential crisis while I attempt to untangle the experience of college and university and everything in between while trying to simultaneously figure out what I want to do with my life. In the past month I’ve finished two jobs at PARC and CDS, wrapped up the last projects and classes I’ll ever have to deal with as an undergraduate student, started training and working with the March of Dimes Canada, found a loft I can call home on May 1st, and slid – nay, collided face first – into adulthood.
And how the hell do I sum everything up? Three words: I know nothing. Of course, I know some things, but really…really, I know nothing. That is what all this learning has taught me. The more I know, the more I realize I don’t really know anything. This isn’t a self-deprecation nor a self-pity psalm, but a realization of the world and my puny insignificance that pushes me forward. Only the most ignorant think they know everything, and I’m happy to be placed in the category of little to no comprehension of things, for the earth has `so much more to teach me. University changed me, and now I am ready embark on a new scary adventure as an empty vessel of nothing.
Thank you, university.